BB goes xfiles
by drwhosgothgirl
Summary: Just a teaser of it if you like it and want more then i need 3 reviews and i'll write it i'm not sure about it!
1. Chapter 1

Mulder, Scully, Dogget and Reyes realised it was too late they were in the Big Brother house. It was a colleague special. It was their first day the night before had been the introduction night. They couldn't believe Kersh had done this to do them. Monica seemed to be enjoying the experience. She took what Kersh said on board.

"The x-files is a stressful assignment it'll give you chance to relax, the FBI needs some good publicity." He had said. Scully hated the idea she even told Monica. It would give them both a chance to get closer to the guys but Scully knew Mulder inside out she just needed to make a move, a real move. Not like the one night that ended in pregnancy. They started to share the same bed he even moved his fish into her apartment but it just wasn't moving forward. They'd been in a known sexual relationship for nine years; of course it would take time. She kept telling herself. She was one of the first up besides Mulder he could never sleep in a strange environment.

"Morning Mulder." She said still wearing her silk pyjamas.

"Morning Scully." He stuck out his lips for a kiss in a jokey way so she kissed him and shook her head. She decided to help him cook but he pulled her in for a cuddle.

"Mulder?" She asked.

"We're away from the bureau now we can be like this." She turned round to face him.

"Mulder we're being watched by millions of people each day." She looked into his hazel eyes.

"Scully lighten up." He said gripping her shoulders. She smiled and walked towards the shower blocks.

"Hey Scully want someone to scrub your back might increase viewers?" He said laughing boyishly.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary: I'm really struggling with this it isn't my best work my mind is blank seriously and I never do that. Well if you like it and want more you will have to review otherwise No more cause I don't like it. **

**Disclaimer: Borrowed a sentence from the unnatural. **

Second BB day.

The agents sat down as a voice came in they were all shocked it was the second day in the BB house and viewers were feeling a little bored. So BB took action.

The diary room door opened and a suitcase came trailing through and a woman behind it. She was familiar to all the housemates. The voice heard.

"Please welcome Tea Leoni." The big brother voice boomed.

"Hi," She said politely a little embarrassed.

"Let us introduce our second surprise guest, Garry Shandling." The voice said.

After the surprise Mulder just couldn't believe his eyes that such a jerk played him in a Hollywood movie luckily it flunked he thought to himself. Scully was annoyed that Tea Leoni was in the house she knew Mulder had a crush on her. Monica wasn't very happy about it either she'd seen John looking.

Mulder seemed to be laughing at one of Tea's jokes but no one else was. She could kill him at times he was such a flirt. Scully and Monica had, had it with the pair of them and decided to go in the Jacuzzi. Scully even wore her heels when she had her swim suit on she obviously didn't want to show how little she was. Mulder came out when he saw her in her swimsuit.

"Scully, are you ok?"

"I'm fine Mulder, You not talking to Tea?" She said smiling. She was obviously hiding her anger.

"Come on Scully, I'm just helping them fit in, but Jesus that Shandling guys a jerk."

"That must be why he was chosen to play you Mulder." She giggled she couldn't stay mad at him.

"Right you've had it Miss Scully." He grabbed her legs and threw her in the pool laughing. He stood at the edge laughing at her. She looked at her advantage and she pulled his right leg and he tumbled in.

"Scully I'm not even in a swimsuit." He shouted laughing. He got out to put his swimsuit on before his clothes got ruined. He bombed in and Scully could've killed him splashing him. She was pretty strong for a petit woman so she decided to dunk his head under. She did he was under.

"Scully, you're dead." He only splashed her lightly.

"Mulder that was pathetic, did your Mother ever tell you to go out and play?" She said giggling.

"Did your Mother ever tell you to wear a skirt?" He giggled.

"Soft ass." She said laughing.

"Boy." He giggled and got out but she pulled him back in.

"God you two are like children." Monica said.

"Ok Monica you asked for it." John dived in and started dunking her. Tea and Gary stood at the side of the pool.

"Didn't somebody say these guys were FBI agents? I'm not so sure." Tea said.

"We should of done this before the film it might have been even weirder." Gary added.

It was dinner time Mulder and Scully were in the kitchen.

"My neck is killing me you really ducked me under Scully I never knew you were so strong." He said.

"Yeah well don't under estimate me." They laid the food out on the table.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary: I didn't know Kersh's first name but wouldn't it be funny if his wife called him Kersh? My idea came to me in a review from Nightbloomingjasmine2 so this is dedicated to her. **

Mulder and Dogget woke up to a ruckus it sounded like a married couple arguing. Tea walked out and got a shock when she saw two new house mates neither of them were slim.

"Don't say that to me woman." They all heard a mans voice shout.

"You have to be kidding." Scully said sitting up.

"No, it's Kersh alright." Monica said wiping her eyes. They walked out all bemused and annoyed at BB.

"Morning Agents." Kersh said smiling.

"Morning, Charlie." Mulder said smiling.

"Oh Kershey don't call them agents this is a vacation." She had dark skin and was around the same weight as Kersh.

"You must be Dana?" She said holding a hand out to Monica.

"No actually I'm…." she was cut off.

"Nonsense" She smiled and shouted over to her husband "Kershey get those potatoes on boil."

"And you must be Monica?" She said to Scully.

"No I'm Dana Scully." She said smiling.

"Oh I see, I'm sure he said Monica was the red head, well it's nice to meet you girls." She smiled sweetly and through an angry look at Kersh. He seemed to do as his wife said. Mulder realised this to his advantage.

"You must be Fox?" She looked at Mulder.

"Yes ma'm." he said smiling.

"Oh you're such a nice boy, I've heard stories about you, well you don't seem like a jackass to me soon you're cute as a button." She straightened Mulders pyjamas as a Mother would.

"You must be John, you look like a John." She smiled at Doggett. He smiled back politely.

"Oh god and you're Tea what a pretty little thing you are." She hugged her hard.

"Well everybody I'm Elaine Kersh." She smiled at everyone.

"Well Kershey never told us he had such a lovely wife." Scully said smiling.

"Agent Scully." He shouted over.

"Oh ignore him, Dana sweetie if he gives you any trouble I will bust his balls." She smiled. She walked over to her husband and all the housemates besides Gary and Tea stood there shocked.

"Well this is a turn up for the books." Monica said.

"Yeah who'd of thought his wife would call him Kershey?" Doggett asked.

"I don't know but maybe we can chill out a little more now." Mulder said looking at Scully. He was glad he wanted a break to show Scully how much he loved her. That break didn't seem to come out of the house maybe it would inside.

It was dinner time Elaine and 'Kershey' had been cooking all day. This tickled everyone. They all sat down to eat. 'Kershey' obviously wasn't a stranger to that.

"Kershey, slow down when you eat."

"Elaine I'm fine."

"You'll do as I say." Everyone was laughing. He held such fear at the DC office well everyone feared him except Mulder who didn't seem to fear anybody. He held such fear such power and now he was being called 'Kershey' and a 'Dumb ass' by his wife. Mulder decided from that moment on he had to call him Kershey he wasn't at work now he could do as he liked. They were told that before entering the BB house. Elaine called him a dumb ass again and Mulder burst out laughing followed by Doggett's sniggers they were like school boys.

"Agent Mulder, Agent Doggett do you find something funny?" He asked demandingly the laughing stopped.

"Now you listen here Kershey this is a vacation, you call them by their first names or what they'd like to be called I don't want to hear any of this Agent crap." He nodded when his wife cuffed him around the ear.

Later all the agents were getting video messages from friends and family as soon as Tea, Gary, Kershey and Elaine had just arrived they didn't. Doggett's family went first it was just his Mom and his ex wife.

"Hello John Honey." His Mom said.

"Hey John just going to say you're doing great and the nation loves you."

"And so do we honey." His mum said and the message ended.

Next it was Mulders turn it was alphabetical order of course. The gunmen zoomed into the screen.

"Byers, is it on?" Frohike asked.

"Yes it's on." Langley said pointing.

"Hey Mulder, when you get out of here we're going out for steaks."

"Tell him about the news Byers."

"Oh yeah and we have some information for you and Scully." Byers said.

"Oh and we think you and Scully should make out." Langley said smiling.

"Shut up nark." Frohike said.

"Yeah we wanna see boobs." Frohike said. The message went off. It was Monica's turn next her Mom came on the screen and said the same sort of thing Johns Mom did. Next up was Scully's message her whole family were there her brother his wife her Mom.

"Hey Dana honey, it's your Mom, just saying you're doing great and hello Fox." Her Mom said.

"Oh yeah and Dana if that creep Mulder touches you I'm gonna kill him." Bill said.

"Oh Billy, stop It." her mother said. Bill laughed. The message zoomed out.


End file.
